Life After Herpes And The "D" Word

If you are single and are living with Herpes at some point in time you will most likely want to come to terms with the "D" word.

The "D" word is something we all have to acknowledge and tackle once we emerge from the transition of adjusting to life with Herpes.

You know the "D" word, that subject you want to both embrace and dodge at the same time. The subject you wish you could just wake up one day and be on the other side of........dating.

You want to date, but you don't want to face the stress of telling someone and then perhaps deal with the rejection that could potentially exist after revealing you have Herpes.

Dating for me was the hardest part of the transition. How in the world would I ever in a million years work up the courage to tell someone that I have Herpes. The uncertainty of how the conversation would go once my secret was revealed and therefore which direction the relationship might take.

And when would I tell someone? Right at the beginning? "Hello, my name is and by the way I have Herpes."

Or later, once a connection was established? "Yes, I want to sleep with you and....Oh yes, I have Herpes."

Of course I'm over simplifying here, but really when is the right time?

Or......

If I join a community where everybody that belongs has Herpes also, then all that anxiety and inner turmoil is eliminated.

Then I can worry about all the usual stuff, like what to wear and does he have a job or live with his parents still....... You know, the easy stuff to stress over.

Living With Herpes - Remaining Faceless

It's sad that when you have Herpes, most of us choose to live without a face.

What I mean by that is we don't announce to the world that we are one of the 25% or so of the population that is living with Herpes.

Understandable. You don't see my smiling mug on my profile. You don't see many comments here either even though plenty of people are reading these posts and comments can be left anonymously, most prefer to fly not just under the radar, but off the radar.

I get it.

While I've become comfortable writing about the fact that I am living with Herpes, I still shy away from putting my visual self out there.

What about you?

Are you out there, flying off the radar and feeling alone? Just remember you don't have to remain totally anonymous, join a forum or community where everyone is in the same situation as you. You still don't have to put your "face on" if you don't want, but you can anonymously talk, chat and when you are ready even date someone.

Someone just like you.

Dealing With Outbreaks

I hate outbreaks.

Who wouldn't, right?

Over the years I have learned how to prevent outbreaks from occurring, without the use of drugs.

Yep, drug free. That's my choice though. Whatever works for someone is the best solution for them. My advice on the drug subject though; do your research and make an educated choice. Please don't begin a lifetime commitment of taking a medication just because someone hands you a prescription and tells you it will "take care" of your problem.

It's much more complex than that, which you will find out when you do your research.

Enough said on that.

The main purpose of this post is what I think is the biggest, baddest and most powerful trigger to bring on an outbreak.

That trigger is stress.

It puzzled me for the longest time to understand how something so external could trigger something so extremely internal.

And then I did my research.

You see, it seems every time I am under an overload of stress, most recently "The Holidays", here comes Mr. Outbreak, sneaking up out of no where, and me realizing it too late.

Anyway, what I found out is that stress doesn't actually cause the outbreak, a weakened immune system does. And the immune system is super vulnerable to stress. And stress knows this, so will go to whatever lengths it can to attack and weaken the immune system.

This theory has proved itself time and again with me over the years. So rather than focusing on preventing outbreaks, I instead focus on keeping my immune system strong.

And that keeps those ugly outbreaks to a minimum.

Living With Herpes - New Year Resolution

New Year, New Life.

I am not big on New Years Resolutions in that I try to spend the whole year constantly improving. Seems to take the pressure off from trying to do it all at once at the beginning of the New Year.

When I first contracted Herpes I spent all of my time convincing myself my life was over. I did a fine job too. That's all I did was dwell on my belief my life was over for the longest time.

Then I got smart....well in some ways anyway.

I began to look past my false belief and looked at my options. Considering the staggering statistics, millions and millions of people had the same thing I did. Surely they weren't hiding out from life the same as me? There would be very few people out walking around, living their lives, right?

What were these people doing with themselves? The more I contemplated, the more opportunities I found where I could interact with plenty of others just like me and begin to come to terms with my situation.

I discovered that my new life, My Life With Herpes, wasn't so bad after all.

If you can relate to any of this, what do you think about making a New Year Resolution that you begin to live and enjoy Your Life With Herpes?

You might realize 2010 could be the best year of your life!

Living With Herpes Over The Holidays

The holidays are great aren't they?

Sometimes they really suck for some people though. I've had my share of really sucky ones. Probably more than my share of them.

I spent many long lonely ones during my single years between marriages. The worst was the one a few months after learning I had contracted Herpes.

I was still in a transitional phase of coming to terms with this new version of my life. I had friends and family, of course.

But no one who really knew what was going on with me...inside my head.

If you can relate to this, don't feel like you have to keep it inside, guarding it like some kind of top secret.

There are others in exactly the same place you are right now. Check out the forum or chat rooms at My Life With Herpes where you can find others who relate to exactly what you feel right now.

And have a great Holiday!

One In Four

One in four - 25% - that's the statistic.

That's the statistic that experts say is how prevalent Genital Herpes is. One in four of us have it.

So let's do the math. There are eight people in line, including you, at the grocery store. One of those people in addition to you has Herpes. Can you tell which one?

Sixteen people are on the treadmill's at the gym including you. If you look at them can you tell who the other three are that have Herpes? Why don't you ask them for a show of hands?....OK just kidding.

What I'm asking here though is if every ONE in FOUR of us has it, then WHY is NO ONE talking about it.

Seems kind of silly doesn't it?

But it's the way it is.

That's one reason why I write this blog. To give us a voice. But notice I still don't have the guts to give us a face. Maybe I will, but for now I WILL JUST TALK LOUD.

It seems kind of ridiculous that with so many of us living with Herpes, it's still kind of shoved in the back of that really dark closet, hiding like it's ashamed, doesn't it?

I hope that one day, it's as accepted as having, oh I don't know, carpel tunnel syndrome or acid reflux. Nobody hesitates about talking about that, do they?

In the meantime we have our communities and forums like My Life With Herpes where we can talk with others just like ourselves. Or maybe you are like me a few years ago when I first got Herpes. I would go to the forum and lurk, not quite ready to jump in and be vocal. But just reading what others had to say did me a world of good. And it was free, so what the heck!

Then once I started talking, I just couldn't shut up!

Live A Secret Life With Herpes?

When I was first diagnosed with Genital Herpes, I felt like I was living with this big, ugly secret.

Ironically, even though I felt I had this huge secret to guard, I also felt that anyone who looked closely enough would be able to figure out my secret.

I was certain that if a conversation turned even in the general direction of STD's or Herpes my face was surely revealing my secret to anyone who paid the least bit attention.

What I discovered over time was the more people I came in contact with that were in the same situation as me, the more it didn't seem like this dark secret that could creep out and destroy my life.

I think for a lot of people living with Herpes, the feeling of living in isolation with this secret you are afraid to share is a lot to bear. People by nature are meant to connect and share life's experiences with each other. It's just how we are wired. When we guard a secret, for whatever reason, we unintentionally isolate ourselves from the world.

That can cause damage. Long term, emotional baggage kind of damage. Which no one needs or deserves.

Are you feeling a little isolated as a result of this secret you feel you can't share?


There is a community you can check out. A community that is shared by people with the same "secret". You can chat with them, read about others experiences and if you are up to it, even date someone who has Herpes, just like you.

Sometimes just being in the company of people who understand your challenges is the first step to leaving your secrets behind.


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